Sleeps with butterflies
I kinda started my day out right this time. I woke up pretty early than then the time I would really wake up.. But I only woke up cause my uncle from Dubai came. He came to give me the headset that my mom had bought for us.
Last night I went o to sleep crying...
It seems as if now I'm slowly starting to climb out of my hole from the ground. It seems as if inch by inch I'm able to see daylight but very now and then i lose my step and fall back down. It's a long climb up the hole. It would have been better if I had a hand to grab hold onto but I know that I can't hold that hand. I know that I got myself into the hole and that I need to get out of it. I know I can. I just have to believe that I can.
Another Christmas here in the lonely house. But I don't think it would be that lonely. I'm not sure but my sister is coming home for christmas. Which is kinda unexpected because last we spoke, she didn't want to spend christmas with us. She didn't want to be near our house. I guess her husband got her into changing her mind. There are times when I really miss her but there are times when I can really hate her.I hate her for being selfish. I guess that's where I got my selfishness. She doesn't have a soft heart like me. She's not like me who can't say no. She's the strong one of the family. The breadwinner as we would all call it. She knew what she wanted since she was a kid. It's like what my brother said. We three may look so alike but we all have such different attitudes. We are all so unique that it would be so impossible for all of us to have a soft heart. I can't blame any of them for the way they are. It is impossible to grow up without the care of parents around 24/7. We got by with just a phone call and with aunts and uncles. None of us ever grew up together under one roof. We grew up separately. I guess that's why we hate each other so much. Siblings who we can't live with... but at the same time can't live without.
I've been thinking about my work. It seems I'm gonna end up working for a call center. Which was what I said to be my last option. But I guess when money matters come in, you'd do anything to help out. So this is how it feels like being jobless. I thought it would be easy since I was the last kid and that I wasn't studying anymore but it looks like I'm the one to carry the most load. I mean, my brother is soon to get married. He just needs to save up for it. And with me actually not working isn't actually helping him. I know I deserve to have a break from all of this but when you're at the age of 20, single and bummed at home, you start to think of your options and your responsibilities.
I know I said goodbye but I wish I hadn't. But then this would only prolong the agony where you are or we are. Maybe if we do meet again in the future, things won't be that hard. Maybe I would have grown up by then, I would learned my lessons. Take care my dear friend. It was fun while it lasted. I'll see you soon.
Last night I went o to sleep crying...
It seems as if now I'm slowly starting to climb out of my hole from the ground. It seems as if inch by inch I'm able to see daylight but very now and then i lose my step and fall back down. It's a long climb up the hole. It would have been better if I had a hand to grab hold onto but I know that I can't hold that hand. I know that I got myself into the hole and that I need to get out of it. I know I can. I just have to believe that I can.
Another Christmas here in the lonely house. But I don't think it would be that lonely. I'm not sure but my sister is coming home for christmas. Which is kinda unexpected because last we spoke, she didn't want to spend christmas with us. She didn't want to be near our house. I guess her husband got her into changing her mind. There are times when I really miss her but there are times when I can really hate her.I hate her for being selfish. I guess that's where I got my selfishness. She doesn't have a soft heart like me. She's not like me who can't say no. She's the strong one of the family. The breadwinner as we would all call it. She knew what she wanted since she was a kid. It's like what my brother said. We three may look so alike but we all have such different attitudes. We are all so unique that it would be so impossible for all of us to have a soft heart. I can't blame any of them for the way they are. It is impossible to grow up without the care of parents around 24/7. We got by with just a phone call and with aunts and uncles. None of us ever grew up together under one roof. We grew up separately. I guess that's why we hate each other so much. Siblings who we can't live with... but at the same time can't live without.
I've been thinking about my work. It seems I'm gonna end up working for a call center. Which was what I said to be my last option. But I guess when money matters come in, you'd do anything to help out. So this is how it feels like being jobless. I thought it would be easy since I was the last kid and that I wasn't studying anymore but it looks like I'm the one to carry the most load. I mean, my brother is soon to get married. He just needs to save up for it. And with me actually not working isn't actually helping him. I know I deserve to have a break from all of this but when you're at the age of 20, single and bummed at home, you start to think of your options and your responsibilities.
I know I said goodbye but I wish I hadn't. But then this would only prolong the agony where you are or we are. Maybe if we do meet again in the future, things won't be that hard. Maybe I would have grown up by then, I would learned my lessons. Take care my dear friend. It was fun while it lasted. I'll see you soon.
