Back to reality
well, I'm back to living my own life again. My own life meaning the one with no parents around and just my brothers and sister to see that I'm still in one piece. I'm actually tired now. I mean, since the day my parents came, I have been up before lunch, which isn't my usual wake up call. I usually get up after lunch,way after lunch. But since then, I've been up early and accompanied them to places that need my assistance. I was kinda sad on the way to the airport coz it meant that they were gonna go back to dubai and once again, our house would be lonely. Though I'm still upset with the way my mom handles her children, I'm still gonna miss her. I'm gonna miss dad too. The house is really quiet now.
Last night I had a chat with my bestfriend. In over 2 weeks, so much happened to her but none to me. Which is good because I'm tired of always having something happen to my life. For a change, I don't want anything to happen. I'm happy with the way things are right now. No troubles from others, no school deadlines to meet. Just me, myself and I. I've decided its time to look for myself. As in actually find out who I really am. No more miss nice girl. I'm just too damn nice that I send the wrong signals to people. I want to be me again. The one who would sit all day with a bunch of friends and laugh the day away. The one who didn't care about the faults being seen. Before all my miseries, I used to be so happy with myself. I would always greet everyone I knew. I didn't have to worry about anything. Now, I have to fake a smile to show that nothing's bothering me. I still feel empty inside. I don't want to welcome anyone anymore. I feel so low. I feel numb.
I dream of him last night. It was such a weird dream. It felt so real that I had to wake up from it from fear of getting hurt again. In my dream, he wanted me back. In my dream, he was sorry and wanted to make amends. But why so that even in my dreams, I still react the way I do in real life. Why?
I lost meaning to myself now. I don't know what purpose I have now that I can't even move on to the next step. I must be trying hard to bring myselk up again. Hopefully, I will. Someday I will know what I want in life and who I want. But for now, I don't want anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I've done enough.
Last night I had a chat with my bestfriend. In over 2 weeks, so much happened to her but none to me. Which is good because I'm tired of always having something happen to my life. For a change, I don't want anything to happen. I'm happy with the way things are right now. No troubles from others, no school deadlines to meet. Just me, myself and I. I've decided its time to look for myself. As in actually find out who I really am. No more miss nice girl. I'm just too damn nice that I send the wrong signals to people. I want to be me again. The one who would sit all day with a bunch of friends and laugh the day away. The one who didn't care about the faults being seen. Before all my miseries, I used to be so happy with myself. I would always greet everyone I knew. I didn't have to worry about anything. Now, I have to fake a smile to show that nothing's bothering me. I still feel empty inside. I don't want to welcome anyone anymore. I feel so low. I feel numb.
I dream of him last night. It was such a weird dream. It felt so real that I had to wake up from it from fear of getting hurt again. In my dream, he wanted me back. In my dream, he was sorry and wanted to make amends. But why so that even in my dreams, I still react the way I do in real life. Why?
I lost meaning to myself now. I don't know what purpose I have now that I can't even move on to the next step. I must be trying hard to bring myselk up again. Hopefully, I will. Someday I will know what I want in life and who I want. But for now, I don't want anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I've done enough.
