How i wish
How I wish that I could just make all my troubles disappear. How I wish that I never commited the mistakes I have made. But then again, whylive a life full of regrets. Regrets teach you things and they taught me a lot. Let's just hope that I learned from them. I have this bad flaw of my personality. I tend to become envious of other people's success. I know it's a bad thing but I can't help it. My life after all is different from others. I grew up without the physical presence of my parents to guide me. I grew up too fast and too early. Some say that I'm lucky that my parents aren't here which gives me more time to party and all but they are wrong. I mean, with the situation I am in,I should be partying and spending money worthlessly but I'm not. I've never actually been bar hopping or so. The only time I would be in a bar is on occassions otherwise I'm home alone. I envy people who can get what they want. People who can actually be happy because they know what they want. Me on the other hand, I had to settle for second best. I always did settle for second best. I was never a fond of shopping for stuff because I could never afford them. Whenever I would want something, I'd thing more than twice of whether it was worth buying and when I do buy it,I'd have thoughts that I shouldn't have bought it. pathetic isn't it?Well, I guess it's the way I was brought up or its what I saw to be right. I never got what I wanted unless I cried over it. Being the youngest had no glory in it. I did not like being called the spoiled brat because I never saw myself to be the spoiled brat. Damn it, if I was spoiled, I would have gotten whatever I asked for but I didn't. I never got things, not even from my parents. Sorry mom and dad but that's the way I saw it. I had to settle with other people giving me gifts and nothing from you. I remember both my siblings would get new things from my parents but for me it was different. It never came from my parents.It always came from an aunt or an uncle. It was never from you. And if ever it came from you, it would be out of guilt. Settle for second best. Hand-me-down attire from my sisters and aunts, used things from my brother and uncle and basically just support from my parents. I was born to be jealous of others. A character in me that I hate so much. I dispise myself for even being envious of people who actually have a right to flaunt their things in front of me. I envy them because I don't do that. I don't flaunt off my glory in owning things I have. What do I have to flaunt anyways. Nothing.
Argh.This is what happens when I get left alone at home with nothing to do. Thoughts keep running through my mind. I'll just be patient.It's what I can do. Be patient and wait for my turn to be happy and content with my life. But as of now, I'm not fully content because my life is still a mess. A life full of questions and obligations I'm not ready for but I have no choice to accept.
You know what I hate most?I'm damn too nice!
Argh.This is what happens when I get left alone at home with nothing to do. Thoughts keep running through my mind. I'll just be patient.It's what I can do. Be patient and wait for my turn to be happy and content with my life. But as of now, I'm not fully content because my life is still a mess. A life full of questions and obligations I'm not ready for but I have no choice to accept.
You know what I hate most?I'm damn too nice!
