Friday, September 30, 2005 

Travel travel travel

Hmm...woke up at 530 pm and to think I slept before the clock struck 12..guess I love to sleep after all..Nah..I came from my very first job interview all the way up north and I guess I got worn out by the journey..Damn,imagine if I was accepted there, I've have to live on the road because I'd have to get up early and get back home as soon as possible.I'm even applying for a position that I'm not even sure I can handle...hehe..Kinda dumb but I guess I can work my way up through there eventually..On the way back, my best bud was fooled by the poster of GMA of extra challenge...She was convinced that there were real people doing a challenge until our way back when she saw that they did not change one bit..hehe..I couldn't stop laughing all the way back to the mall..what a laugh..even she was laughing...We watched DUBAi...hehe...corny but I guess ok n din xa...I mean, I did grow up from there so it pays to see my hometown once in a while..

Nothing much has been happening...Although I've been erased from a life that I can't enter anymore I suppose..Iba na din siguro when you've stepped on someone's ego but hey, I never asked for any of it to happen..I guess we all had our own beliefs and thoughts and our what if's..

It's actually frustrating looking for a job...hmm...althought I haven't actually started..It's basically over the net that I've been searching...

It was funny though while I was waiting for mehrey to show up at our meeting place in the mrt station at Quezon ave..Natatawa ako sa mga taopag lumalabas cla sa mrt...Rushing to get out first and running like crazy(exaggerating lang po.)..hehe..I mean it doesn't matter kung wala na sila sa poise nila as long as they get to the elevator first or get to the bus first...I mean, what's the rush..as if running will do them good..Might as well come in late since they started their day late....Ladies in perfect heels run like mad while guys who look like strict business men go as if they were in a race..hehe..Even pregnant ladies are on the rush...think of it, so what if you miss the bus, the next one will be seconds away unless an accident occurs but eventually yeah, there are other means of transportations..

here I am laughin about other people when in fact once I reach the employment work, I'll be like them when Im running late..ehehehe...

5:45 PM | |

Saturday, September 24, 2005 

Peace tau bez!!


Its bad when you get a bad experience from the past.You tend to keep the anger inside and it affects all people.
Hmmm....Lately, I've turned into someone that isn't pleasing to alot of people.I've somewhat become heartless..
I don't seem to care if people won't accept me for who I am, for the way things are..For me, I'm happy with who I am,with the wat I treat others..

I'm not sure but lately I'm enjoying someone's company.We don't see each other much but I enjoy having conversations with him.He's a conversationalist I would say.Someone I won't get bored talking to..Maybe I have a petty crush on him because he is somewhat sweet..He is someone who thinks deep and has alot to say..He likes music and pets as well..He knows what its like to be with people who aren't sometimes welcomed by the society..He knows alot actually.I used to not appreciate him because he had this snotty impression that he was good and others were not. I think I had a debate with him before about why traffic had to be aired early on tv..hehe..But then after being able to know him more, it turned out good..He wasn't that bad after all..In fact, I enjoy every conversation I had with him..And he was always there to support me...or my groupmates..He was always there..buti nga unlimited ang globe eh..hehe

He's a good friend and i don't want to lose him..

Cheers to you for being a good friend..hope our friendship goes along way...

I hope to spend some time with you ...you know..hang out and go for a joy ride and play with the guitar...

I just opened up with my bestfriend...Man, I miss this guy..My twin..Twin as in coz we are both skinny bones walking..hehe..Ginwa kaming love team nyan eh...He became my best bud coz he wanted to court my room mate and when the rejection part came(sorry bez!), I was there to comfort him...actually I'm the one who handed him the rejection ... hehe..He's the best bud any one could ask for..I'm sorry if sometimes Im harsh on you..love you bez!!WE finally got a pic of the two of us.. hehehe

I got my grad pics today...man, ang galing nila mang edit ng mga pictures..nagmukha akong tao..hehehe


4:43 PM | |

Thursday, September 22, 2005 

Not my choice

There is this saying that what you don't know won't hurt you..I should learn from that saying...I just want to say...Damn, I hate all that's happening..Could someone please invent a time machine...Or something that can make it easy to forget memories..

I miss my friends now.I miss all of them..Life is different now that graduate na yung iba.Pretty soon I will have to start working and start meeting new sets of people.I wonder when will i learn from my mistakes in life..

I need a vacation..I'm taking up april's offer in going to her province..maybe a change of scenery will do..

 I am a person who is unstable and I'm telling you now..Don't get too close with me..I may hurt you in any way possible unintentionally..

My advice to all those who know me..If you can't take me, if you don't understand me,,then by all means please just leave coz i wont make you leave.Its not my choice to make any one stay,,,even those who I love..if they chose to leave then so be it..Lets see how long can I wait and be strong..

6:41 PM | |

Monday, September 12, 2005 

yahoo!!

yahoo!!!graduate na din ako sa wakas!!sarap pla ng feeling of accomplishing something...damn we couldnt stop miling and thinking that we had nothing else to worry about..that we can now join the real world of work...wah!!!hehehe

3:03 PM | |

Friday, September 09, 2005 

exactly 6 days till our defense..here i am now debugging the program and i still feel uneasy about it..i don't know..something is on my mind and i can't put my finger to it..

hehe..my bestfriend had the journey of her life..she went all the way to makati all by herself and good thing she didnt get lost because the last time i left her with directions..hehe..she had an adventure of her life..Jelay came over and took the hamsters home..those horny pets..haha..imagine they aren't big enough yet they are one HOT couple!!My hamster is still single and virgin...hehe...ive been asking crunch if any of his is in mating season..but i dont know..i might keep her a virgin..

what happens to people who all of a sudden disappear...i guess the bad side of me is not giving much importance to such people..though i care for all my friends..i dont actually show how important they are to me..

I hope that the remaining friends i have that are not because of common people but because i was able to make friends with them.i hope they stay.

2:35 PM | |

 

Soon my miseries are all gonna be over

Well, 2 days more or so before our "4th" try on passing...Hope this is the last and final draw of it.Because seriously im sick and tired of it..Its fun though, having the rush of wanting to complete it but its getting tiring...I want to get a job as soon as possible coz i wana get stuff.I'm sick of wanting to wait for financial aid from my parents when i should be the one to give them that.And me flunking wasn't exactly helpful..Damn!
Well, its been a while since i was able to post here..Nothing much has happened though.My life is still the same old, same old.I've once again lost weight,which i shouldn't be.I havent had a decent sleep for 3 days now, im broke(which isnt't a new story), tired from all the things happening in my life.

Life has its msyteries.Till now im still stuck in my hole when i should be out by now.It seems as if i dont want to leave.I guess im afraid of wanting to see things differently,im trying to live in the past.Back where i was on my own with no worries and lies,back when i would enjoy the company of whoever came by.back when i was new to things.I' ve lost myself now,not knowing how to find my way back.Though my friends are there, these are things that you have to do on your own,things that you have work on.

maybe if i had learned my lesson in the past, i wouldn't be here where i am now.I wouldn't be pushing people away from me.I dont know, ive learned to somewhat show concern for others feelings,ive learned to stop feeling for them and making sure they wont get hurt. I only care for my dear friends and family.

No one knows about this account except for my best friend...Its not the kind of thing you'd wana share with them.These entries contain nothing interesting....

soon im gonna delete this account..

10:37 AM | |

Monday, September 05, 2005 

As long as kaya....why not

exactly 6 days till our defense..here i am now debugging the program and i still feel uneasy about it..i don't know..something is on my mind and i can't put my finger to it..

hehe..my bestfriend had the journey of her life..she went all the way to makati all by herself and good thing she didnt get lost because the last time i left her with directions..hehe..she had an adventure of her life..Jelay came over and took the hamsters home..those horny pets..haha..imagine they aren't big enough yet they are one HOT couple!!My hamster is still single and virgin...hehe...ive been asking crunch if any of his is in mating season..but i dont know..i might keep her a virgin..

what happens to people who all of a sudden disappear...i guess the bad side of me is not giving much importance to such people..though i care for all my friends..i dont actually show how important they are to me..

I hope that the remaining friends i have that are not because of common people but because i was able to make friends with them.i hope they stay.

2:35 PM | |

Sunday, September 04, 2005 

Another Passing day

another day went by..straight from thursday night till saturday tonight i had like aroung a total of 6 hours sleep...2 per day...no wonder i'm getting skinnier by the minute...oh well, i'm used to tiring myself to forget about the issues of the day and get to live by it..i've notice that lately i tend to change my attitude, i don't know if it has something to do with the past or the fact that i am really like that.I get easily irritated and get hot tempered.I just don't like it when people become too pushy and don't understand you when you say that you're tired.all you're energy is drained and yet it seems ok but with my condition,it's not actually normal..i don't know,i guess people will never understand the real you.Sometimes you just need to be observant to know your limits.I'm not a person who says out loud that i am getting pissed but i'd appreciate that you don't test my patience..I don't want to have to say things that would not sound good.If you know me well enough I wouldn't be saying all of this crap

Sometimes people just don't really know how to understand others..they think they know them well enough but i guess not enough.

Right now, i'm giving out directions to my bestfriend on how to get home from some place that i don't really know where....Hope you get home...don't worry,as long as you know how to read...and you have money...you'll get home...

2:33 PM | |

Thursday, September 01, 2005 

Nothing serious to say...

I don't know what makes me feel tired,mentally or physically or emotionally.Mentally because of school work,physically because of a long day going around in circles and emotionally because of not knowing what i am feeling inside.Be myself...the best advice that can be given by alot but only few follow and unfortunately I don't follow advices but I do give them.This is the real me.the one who loves to hang out and have fun,not only with a certain batch of friends but with different ones.I don't pick my group of friends.i have all.I hang out with the sophisticated, the loud,the quiet,the genuises,the freaky ones,the great personalitites,the pretty, the cute ones..anyone..i hang out with anyone as long as i can have fun and cherish the memories..but alot comment that i tend to be more close with guys..so i get the impression of being a flirt.take in mind, i got it from one of my dear friends..first and foremost,i am not a flirt,i tend to get the jokes of guys and i enjoy their company.You learn alot from them actually and you can trust that they will be there when trouble should arise from nowhere.It's hard to find people who will accept you for who you are.Only a few can actually respect you for who you are.There are those that only respect you because they can help you but once you turn your back to them,all sorts of things will start up and before you know it,you are being stabbed at the back by your "so-called " friends.I really don't get it why some people judge others for their weaknesses..they see something in others that they don't like,they start hating that person.Whats to hate about that person if its worth to be seen.really now,grow up....

Please note down that the only permanent thing in life is change and i for one hate it.I hate it because it breaks the cirle of traditon.I hate it because some change and leave you hanging!bullshit!I hate people who change and forget you existed and only see you when you can be of use.I prefer those who reamin to be the same and evolve,but keeping a little of who they really are.Or better yet,first impressions last so be yourself in the beginning of everything.Pretending will get you nowhere.

I hate myself for being so cold hearted.I hate myself for not thinking straight and wanting others to think for me.I hate myself for being a late bloomer.i hate myself for being too nice that i forget about myself.I hate myself for hurting people who I shouldn't be hurting.I hate being me.

4:03 PM | |

 

As usual, i woke up past lunch time to another empty house.I left home with an empty stomach,something which I shouldn't be doing or else it's back to the hospital bed for me.Only few people knew about that.Oh well,it was because of my carelessness.I was too lazy to actually eat right.three das and two nights were enough to convince me to eat right but not ebough to keep my promise of taking care of my health.I don't know,I guess it's always great to have parents around to take care of you.My friend's were cool.They stopped by only to see me drugged.I came from a check up which left me sedated till morning.So, even if they came,all I did was stare at them and it was off to dream land.I have to say, the only place to rest well was at the hospital..hehe..

Anyways,since I was late,I was racing against time to get to my educational plan and check if I could still grab some cash for a decent education.Unfortunately,what I will be receiving will be my last payment.Oh well,had I not flunked my thesis,I would have gotten the cash to myself but all's well that end's well, it lands in the bank of my school which will soon be gone all because of a wish of an old man.Really pathetic!Not the fact that he is old,the fact of stealing a legacy which wasn't and is never gonna be his.My brother was right.He'll be deadso what's the point of all of his greed for being known.So there, I came in late,left late and got home late.

Being an addict chatter and finally admitting it,I went online but left the pc table and had dinner.After dinner was the never ending for life and part of women's work, the laundry.But being a bad girl, I only did mine and left the others to my brother.If we're lucky, he won't have to do his.

I'm gonna take this time to say sorry to someone that I hurt so badly.He didn't even deserve to be treated like the way I treated him.Something must be wrong with me.Terribly wrong.As said by many and proven by the ones who know me,I am a contradicting person.I will never learn from my mistakes in life though I know I should.I'm sorry if once again I've left you hanging.I had no plans of leaving you out again.But I thank you for being there for me when I was done.Thanks for caring so much for me and not expecting anything in return.Thanks for understanding me even for just a bit.Thanks for having such a huge patience with me.Seeing how our history is,anyone's patience would have been gone by one.Thanks.I'm sorry if all I've been doing is giving nothing but pain.Even if you won't admit it, or it looks as if it's not what I'm doing,I'm sorry.You're special in a way that I can never find a reason to hate you.Many are not fond of you but yet I don't mind the way that you are;special in a sense that I can talk about anything under the sun;special that I can cry to you and find comfort and strenght to face the day again;special in a way that you are unique.I believe in you because till now you're still here having conversations with me and trying to understand me though I know that I can never be understood.I believe in you because like you said,you will never break your promise.I admire you for risking anything and doing anything.not every one can do what you do.Not even me.You are unique.We are two very different people,though having similar ideas and dreams and likes,we have totally different opinions and perspective in life and in love.We can talk about anything yet limit it to some things only....

I'm sorry is all I have to say...

5:07 AM | |