times like this ...
I'm depressed now. Family problems. i don't know. I feel upset because just when i thought someone would have my back, i was wrong. It's just so depressing when you feel neglected dispite everything. When you hear negative things, you only think less of yourself. I know that they are just words but words are sometimes stronger than actions. The longer it happens, the more i hate myself. I hate myself for being here. I hate myself for supporting my brother when he alone wouldn't have my back. After all that I've done for him,I don't get the thanks. And what is it about being the girl?Learning responsiblities?As if I'm not doing that now. It isn't satisfying for them. What I do is nothing for them. They will always be dominant. I've always had low self esteem because of them. Imagine hearing this from the time you were young till now.."you're not pretty, wala nang magtiyatiyaga sayo,the ugly duckling". No wonder I never sought to make myself look good. I never fought to try and stand out. Why should i ? I thought with them around, it would help me get over my loneliness and hopefully make me wanna love again or something. It would make me want to mingle with others but I was wrong. It only drove me to hate everyone. The only people I somehow depend on are my friends and not my family at this point.
Ang sama ng loob ko sa inyo. Kung magsalita kayo parang wala akong kwentang anak. As if they would always be the best among us three. I know you mean nothing but words are painful. I still remember how you would say things to me that when i was child would mean nothing but as i grow older,they are buried in my mind. You told me that if ever i was to move to the phiippines, you would never call me. You wouldnt care about me. Sabi mo parati k kuya that I answered back. How was I to know that mali yun, you never stopped me. And to me, they weren't answering back. I was just reasoning out. Then when I come to the philippines, ako lang palagi nauutusan nyo. Ako din pla hahanapin nyo..pano..takot kayo sa dalawa nyong anak. sorry ha, I was never like them na sobrang talino at ganda. I was never like them na responsible..
I want to move out here.
Ang sama ng loob ko sa inyo. Kung magsalita kayo parang wala akong kwentang anak. As if they would always be the best among us three. I know you mean nothing but words are painful. I still remember how you would say things to me that when i was child would mean nothing but as i grow older,they are buried in my mind. You told me that if ever i was to move to the phiippines, you would never call me. You wouldnt care about me. Sabi mo parati k kuya that I answered back. How was I to know that mali yun, you never stopped me. And to me, they weren't answering back. I was just reasoning out. Then when I come to the philippines, ako lang palagi nauutusan nyo. Ako din pla hahanapin nyo..pano..takot kayo sa dalawa nyong anak. sorry ha, I was never like them na sobrang talino at ganda. I was never like them na responsible..
I want to move out here.
I have been quiet..traveling and preparing for AU
I have been quiet for the past few days because I am preparing for Autodesk University "AU" which is only a week away and looking to be over 5000 people this year.
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Posted by
Anonymous |
11:04 PM